http://www.stopdrinkingadvice.org/guide/

It’s the most common question I hear and the most popular topic I write about. "I thought when he quit drinking…," or "The program he went through says he’s successful, but…?" and "Is this all I have to look forward to?" The words vary but the underlying question is pretty much the same, "He was a drunk, now he’s a ‘recovering alcoholic.’ When’s he going to get over it?"

Many never will.

That’s the sad, and usually unnecessary, truth about most men who supposedly are "in recovery." They aren’t going to get over it. Indeed, they are continuously warned against even trying. Wives are warned against discussing it lest you interfere with him "working his program" and precipitate a relapse. Shame on you.

For some men it’s even true, except for the nonsense about your possible responsibility for his forever-pending relapse, of course. He is responsible for any future drinking, just as he was for his past drinking. Don’t fall for that red herring. But a lot of men lack the maturity, the coping skills, the social supports, or the outside interests that make outgrowing AA-style "recovery" possible or desirable. It’s a crutch they could throw away along with their alcohol dependence, but it probably isn’t going to happen.

And for the rest?

A lot of them are just plain scared, and with good reason. They have been brain washed by treatment programs, Dear Abby, the minister, their fellow meeting devotees, "sponsors," the press, TV and so on. They’re told they have "a lifelong, progressive disease for which there is no cure, only endless recovery in the form of ‘working the program,’" as a substitute for getting a life. It’s enough propaganda to scare anyone and it’s been around for fifty, mostly unchallenged, years.

So what’s a wife to do if you want a real marriage while he’s still pursuing an affair with his "disease?"

Sadly, your options are limited. There isn’t a lot of help out there to support you in seeking a better and more intimate relationship with your spouse. Few therapists have the experience necessary for the task of refuting treatment industry ad copy and dire predictions. Fewer still can resist the temptation to simply "process" your frustrations with you for months or years on end, rather than help you formulate active solutions. That too is somewhat understandable – solutions are risky, unpredictable, and unsettling. Better to listen, nod sympathetically, and send the bill.

But, you still want more. Good for you.

Creating a more intimate relationship doesn’t come with a road map. You can’t pick an end, do a few programmed maneuvers, and arrive at the desired destination. The best you can manage is to head off in that general direction and hope that he follows along. No guarantees, just possibility, which is something you don’t have now. And possibility, not even probability, needs to be enough for you. Otherwise you’ll need to resign yourself to whatever comforts you current life offers. Many wives do. Some like it.

However, for you, remember that the basic rule of change is that you can only change yourself. The hope is that in doing so, he will also change and that this will bring you closer together. Sometimes that’s the case, other times he’ll just move even further away, if he even notices. Still, at least you’ll establish what’s possible. That’s the real object. Try a few changes, see what happens, adjust, try some more, see where that goes. Assess your feelings. Add another change. Resist ultimatums, threats, and coercion. Change yourself and your circumstances for the better and see what responses appear.

For your part, remember: active, not passive; assertive, not aggressive; responsive, not reactive.

http://www.stopdrinkingadvice.org/guide/

If you’ve seen the negative effects of alcoholism from someone you love, or if you’ve learned about the dangers of drinking alcohol from parents, work, or school, you know that consuming too much alcohol at any time is a bad idea.

If you want to make sure that you can avoid alcoholism altogether, there are many things you can do to make sure that your life is both healthy and happy.

One of the first things you should do is to make sure that you are in an environment where alcohol is not a temptation on a regular basis.

So keep alcohol out of your house and try not to go to any restaurants that are known for serving alcohol in a bar setting.

Many people keep wine or liquor bottles in their homes as decoration, or even as a sign of social affluence, but if you know that you will be tempted to drink — especially if the alcohol is very accessible — make sure that your surroundings are alcohol-free.

It is also important to check your family history if you are trying to avoid alcoholism.

While alcoholism is not exactly hereditary, there are certain traits that you may have inherited from parents, grandparents, or even aunts and uncles that can lead to alcoholism.

If you know that some people in your family have had bouts with alcoholism, the chance of your dependency may be greater.

Or if you’ve seen people in your home drinking on a regular basis, this may seem like normal behavior to you, which means you are more likely to make drinking a habit yourself.

While family traits do have something to do with how alcohol will affect you, remember that everybody is different - while some people in your family do not seem sick, depressed, or overly angry when consuming alcohol, this doesn’t mean you will react the same way.

Next, you should figure out: what makes you want to drink?

Do you feel glamorous or socially superior when you’re drinking? Do you think that alcohol makes you more outgoing than ususal?

Do you drink to overcome bouts of depression or stress? Or do you just like the look of having a drink in your hand?

Whatever the case, you should find out what void you are attempting to fill with alcohol.

This way, you can use positive activities in place of alcohol to enrich your life. If you’re an entertainer, you can make non-alcoholic drinks at home with the same types of colors and decorations if you like the look of some alcoholic drinks.

Also, planning more social gatherings to spend time with friends and meet new people will help you feel more confident about your social life without using alcohol.

Finally, the way to make sure that you stay away from alcohol and avoid drinking too much is to surround yourself with people who feel the same way.

Support from friends and loved ones is essential as you make the effort to avoid alcoholism. You may also give someone else the courage to stay away from alcohol as well.

http://www.stopdrinkingadvice.org/guide/

Why do we dance on tables when drunk, why do we crave chips at 3am and why do we feel so, so awful the next day?

What makes you feel drunk?

When a person drinks an alcoholic beverage, about 20% of the alcohol is absorbed in the stomach and about 80% is absorbed in the small intestine.

One of the most rapid affects of alcohol is on the central nervous system (CNS), which controls a range of vital body functions including speech, muscles, sense organs and sweat glands.

Usually the CNS receives information from organs such as the eyes and ears, analyses it and then responds, perhaps by contracting a muscle.

However, alcohol impairs our CNS functioning which, in turn, causes the usual symptoms of being drunk. These include disturbed balance, slurred speech, blurred vision, excess sweating and the dulling of our sensation of pain.

Alcohol also affects the outer layer of the brain (the frontal cortex) that is concerned with conscious thought. This is why people under the influence of alcohol often lose their inhibitions and dance on the tables.

What makes you feel so lousy?

Dehydration: Alcohol is a diuretic. This means it encourages the body to lose more water than it takes on by halting the production of the body’s anti-diuretic hormone. This means you feel the need to pee excessively, thus speeding up the loss of fluid from the body that leads to dehydration.

Alcohol also attacks our stores of vitamins and minerals, which need to be in the correct balance for the body to function normally.

Dehydration caused by drinking can affect the balance by draining potassium from the body, resulting in thirst, muscle cramps, dizziness and faintness.

The shakes: When a person drinks, they take in large quantities of increased glucose. Their body responds to this by producing more insulin, which removes the glucose.

Once the process has started, the insulin carries on working removing glucose from the blood. Low blood glucose levels are responsible for the shakes, excess sweating, dizziness, blurred vision and tiredness.

Munchies: To overcome this feeling of lethargy the body craves a carbohydrate boost, which is why many people want chips when they have been drinking.

Breaking it down

The liver is the main organ that gets rid of alcohol by breaking it down. It metabolises about 90% of the alcohol in our body while only about 10% is excreted through either our urine or breath. The liver metabolises alcohol at the rate of one to two units per hour, sometimes less than that in women.

The liver needs water to get rid of toxins from the body but, as alcohol acts as a diuretic, there will not be sufficient amounts in the body, so the liver is forced to divert water from other organs including the brain, which causes the throbbing headaches.

The liver also produces more toxins in the body as a by-product during the breakdown of alcohol. When the liver is metabolising alcohol it produces acetaldehyde, a substance which has toxic effects on our liver, brain and stomach lining, resulting in severe headache, nausea, vomiting and heartburn (aka hangover).

Sleep

Alcohol interferes with sleeping rhythms, while dehydration reduces the quality of rest we get. Alcohol also relaxes the muscles in the back of your mouth, increasing the likelihood of snoring.

The Morning after

If your alcohol consumption was fairly high the night before, then you will be greeted with more than a common hangover the next day. You could have one or all of these:

The toxicity of alcohol can irritate the stomach causing gastritis (chronic stomach upset) often leading to vomiting.

Alcohol can cause inflammation of the oesophagus, the tube that carries food from the throat to the stomach, causing heartburn.

Alcohol often affects your bowel movements. The small and large intestine reabsorb salt and water but alcohol interferes with this process often causing diarrhoea.

http://www.stopdrinkingadvice.org/guide/

http://www.stopdrinkingadvice.org/guide/