October 25, 2006

SAVED BY GRACE
I originally got to AA in 1974 and drank after nearly 11years…AA doesn’t keep one sober. I actually attempted suicide before I drank, and after my suicide attempt was unsuccessful, I drank to kill the pain.

When I eventually recovered from my suicide attempt and "bust" I went back to AA, because it was familiar. I imagine AA to be quite controlling, which was very much like my history.

In 1994 I started seeing a therapist and he helped me process my feelings. He is a recovered alcoholic and had processed his own history. Anyway, I did years of group therapy and EMDR. [Body Memory Therapy].

All I knew from my childhood was terror, pain, shame, and guilt and I was able to feel these feelings and get support by other people in my group. About 3 years ago, I dropped into a "black hole" and had to be hospitalized…. I had 4 months of absolute terror; I thought I was in hell.

One day I asked Jesus Christ {not a bedpan} to have mercy on me and forgive me my sins. Slowly all my fear and guilt has dissipated and today, I am just, Micky [A child of God]. What I had learned – my process in Hospital - that is what it was like for me as a child [METAMORPHOSIS]. I am not an ALCOHOLIC - I am a SINNER. AA [Satan] nearly got my soul but Jesus Christ the Son of GOD delivered me. I am blessed - because, I had to lose control to gain control [JESUS CHRIST] which has nothing to do with handing my will over to a higher power. For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life John 3: 16].
Peace Be With You
Micky

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